I haven’t really done a post like this in a while as I’ve been trying to keep the vibe of it more or less positive but sometimes life throws shit our way its not that easy and this blog is my way of sharing my feelings and hopefully it can connect with some body out there so yep thats what I am going to do.
I am in third year of college now, a few months away from finishing my degree and I am 21 in three weeks.This should be one of the happiest times of my life but unfortunately depression is a horrible thing, it hits you whenever it feels like it.
If you had have asked me 5 years ago what I would be like when I am 21 I probably would have said that I would have it figured all out, life, boys, college, career but to be fair its so far from that.
I have probably never been more confused about what to do with my life at the minute. I hate college and I am not entirely mad about my course either. Which makes it very hard to have to get up for it everyday when you are dreading every minute of it. We all get a little lost every now and again in our lives but sometimes it just feels like I am constantly lost in my life trying to find something that feels right.
I have always found it so so difficult to fit in with people. I have always felt like it for as long as I can remember that I just don’t really fit in with the norm of todays society. I know it is not a bad thing to not run with the crowd and be your own person and do your own thing but sometimes it does get a little bit lonely if the truth is to be told.
Sometimes sitting on your own in college gets a little bit hard and sometimes it would be nice to just have somebody to talk to.
I am not looking for any sympathy whatsoever as I feel college is just something I have to get through this year and finish my degree. There is no point in giving up now.
I always feel like nobody really gets me, nobody my age really gets my way of thinking apart from one or two friends so at that I am very limited in making friends with people my age. I always envy those who have had best friends since as long as they can remember. For some reason thats not how I am and as hard as I find it to make friends I find it even harder to keep them. (If anybody would like to shed some light on why that is please do because I just don’t get it).
I don’t want to be out in nightclubs every weekend drinking the head off myself and getting as many shifts as a women can, its just not who I am anymore and it doesn’t make me happy. It depresses me infact. I do like a drink now and again just to chill out and relax but I am so over the whole nightclub thing but then your left in a shitty situation when everybody else your age is doing it. So do you go out and have a shitty time or sit at home on your own every weekend having an even shittier time? Its hard to know what to be at.
I am not entirely sure why I am writing this but all I do know is that if your just like me and somedays just are not as easy as others I think we just have to keep fighting on through and hope that the path that is layed out before us is a good one and that the force above us has greater things in store for us than is happening at the minute.
We just got to keep trucking on!
xo
DannersWorld 
Hello my friend 🙂 This may sound strange, but the older I get and the more life I experience the more different I feel from what I’m “supposed” to be. I think everything that you’ve described that you envy or want is what we are told is “normal” and I can relate to how you feel. It is lonely when you don’t have those life long relationships. But there is nothing you can do to change that (or at least that’s what I remind myself). Concerning outgrowing friends, it would seem to me that you have developed faster than them and you have outgrown the quality of life you get from being a “normal” 21 year old. I suggest finding older friends that don’t give a shit about going out and drinking. Maybe find a part time job that you think would be fun (don’t even think about the pay if it’s high or low… just enjoy it). I’m 27 and when I look back, I don’t regret that I didn’t go out enough or didn’t have more friends. I regret that I didn’t focus more on school, that I worked too many hours and neglected class, that I tried too hard to impress people that don’t matter, that I spent more time trying to look perfect than to develop myself as a person and experience life. So if I can give you one piece of advice it would be to stop comparing yourself to all the people that you so obviously have nothing in common with. I know it’s lonely because you don’t think like them and therefore can’t relate. But there is nothing that you can do about that. Find something to do that you just ENJOY because when all is said and done the only thing that matters in life is that you were happy.
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Hi Kaily, thank you so much for your comment. It really means a lot and thank you for taking time out of your day to help me feel better in myself. I 100% agree with everything you said. I am just growing up a lot faster than people my age and I completely agree that my time should be spent on loving myself and enjoying life so thank you, you made my day a little better 🙂 xx
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